The Brief Wondrous Life of a Hundo. Wow.

2 02 2009

These things never happen to me. Met a friend at a bar on Saturday and after we said our hellos this stranger guy yells, “there you are!” And goes to hug me. I dodged him explaining that I don’t hug strangers but he got all bent out of shape about it, “Man that totally threw me off. You don’t just go around rejecting hugs.” It was soon clear that this man was wasted at only 8:30 in the evening. As my friend and I chatted he yelled and slurred into a Blackberry and then interrupted to demand my friend’s phone. She actually had it in her hand at the moment and was doing something with it. “I’LL GIVE YOU A HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!” I told him to just take my phone. He did. And told me I was an asshole. Now I’m not used to being insulted by people I do favors for, certainly not strangers. But this dude was out of his mind and it had begun to look likely that he’d been hanging out with his friend Blowseph so I stood down, but not before pointing out that it wasn’t nice to call people “assholes” after they’d done a favor for someone. When he was done with his call he demanded to use my phone again which I allowed. As he misted my receiver with a fine saliva mist he plonked a bill on the table yelling, “JUST TAKE IT!” I didn’t even bother to look although it looked like a $10 and told him to take it back. My friend (clearly the smarter one in the duo) said, “is that a real hundred? Oh, I’ll take it!” At the moment we left it on the bar. He gave me my phone back, looked me in the eye as much as he could and told me, “If I had more time I could win you over.” My face must have said otherwise because he followed with, “Oh I would. And I love that you’re such an arrogant bastard that you don’t think so.” And with that he left. The bill? An honest to goodness hundo. CHRISTMAS COME EARLY!

This was amazing. Not only were we going to drink for free all night, but we were going to have money to take home! Figuring we were rich, the first thing I did was go buy a celebratory pack of cigs ($9). Then we upgraded our booze to premium. Powers for me and a Knob Creek for my friend ($7 x2). A mass text message was sent and man, were we lucky only two people showed up. In the meantime another Powers, Knob ($7 x 2) and a Hennesey for a friend who showed up ( $8 ) and a Jack and Coke for another friend ($6), and you know what? Screw it. A Hennesey for me too ($8).  Then another round of Henneseys ($8×3). So this plus some Deli chips, Party Mix (cause, hey, it was a party), a generous tip for the bartenders who’d watched the whole thing go down & were not gonna let us out the door without their cut, that was all she wrote.

A hundo just don't go as far as it used to

A hundo just don't go as far as it used to

Many of you are reading this unsurprised. But I gotta say, when that pile dwindled to nothing no one was more surprised than my friend an I. She commented on how, like the Austin Powers movie, we kept saying “One hundred dollars!” like it would stop famine in Africa. In any case, it got us drunk.

Just doing my bit to help out the economy.




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